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Monday, February 4, 2013

How to build a Solid friendship

Dedicated to: Form 4 and 5 students 2013 and anyone who treasures friendship.

Originally written by: Mr. Mani Jack / Dayak Thinker

Date: 4th/2/2013

No. Of words: 1487

Title: How to build a solid friendship

          A very good morning I bid to the young minds of tomorrow. Today, I have something special and historical to share with you which is very close to your heart as a teenager entitled “How to build a solid friendship.” Some people say friendship lasts forever. Really? How I wish that people understand that that sentence is said by men, not God because only God has the power on the word “forever”. As a grown up, I have no choice but to redefine the word friendship due to beautiful and ugly circumstances that I have gone through in friendship. I do not believe that friendship lasts forever because changes happen every second in our lives and change does not care whether you like it or not.

          I do believe in friendship but I do not want to expect too much from it because my true friends are myself and God because I am the only one who can comfort  myself with God’s divine intervention when my good friends are not there to accompany me especially when I need them the most due to their multiple commitments. However, I do have some tips for you to build a great friendship. Last but not least, as long as long as I can remember, I always choose to be a good friend because I want one day my good friends to know that I have done my best as a good friend even though they have fallen in love with new subjects which I cannot control as I do not have the ability to foretell the future.

         Allow me to start with similarities as the old saying goes birds with the same feathers flock together. We choose our good friends based on preferences. If he or she is completely opposite to our characters, attitude and belief, I do not think that that friendship will blossom.  We need somebody who can join us in our daily activities. We need somebody who shares the same amount of passion on something such as music, books, hobbies, movies and etc. If we share a lot of similarities, the friendship will grow because it has been nurtured by the same amount of interest. As both of you are compatible with each other, it will be very easy for each of you to empower each other.

          Secondly, we must understand that everyone is born with distinctive purposes. The presence of our good friends today has been carefully designed by God. Obviously, while they are still with us, we ought to give our best as a good friend and enjoy the friendship while it lasts because our good friends and ourselves change courses and directions as we grow up. It has to happen that way because our needs are changing. Nothing is meant to be stagnant. For example, you always want to be a doctor while your friend always wants to be a pilot. Can you imagine all the changes that he or she has to go through in order to realize those dreams? Will you ever know the new individuals that he or she will meet throughout the journey? Nobody has the answer because life itself is a mystery and will always be a colourful journey.

          The third one is the ability to appreciate your friend. To forget or to ignore everything that others have done for us is something that all of us can and always do. Only a few have the courage and wisdom to appreciate others because we are born to rebel without a cause due to our unexplainable curiosity and irritating scepticism  All of us should learn to appreciate because appreciation is almost as beautiful as heaven. To be forgotten by someone can be as hideous as hell.  A gift, a hug, a hi, a letter, an email, a surprise or a beautiful poem can breed the most beautiful smile on your friend’s face because the satisfaction is beyond words. As the old saying goes, a new friendship needs a lot of attention while an old friendship needs a lot of repair. In other words, both should never stop mending the ageing bridge. Both should never give up on each other.

          Fourth, expect nothing from your friend. I know some will expect that friend to be nice forever or to be with them forever.  If you expect everything from your friend, that means you are the most selfish and insincere person on earth. Why should we expect nothing? We should expect nothing because the friendship itself that your friend gives you is something that money can never buy. Be thankful for you have been given a chance to taste the good and dark sides of a friendship. If you expect too much from a friendship, you will suffer because your unreasonable expectation will definitely collide with reality. You friend will always find somebody new and perhaps his wife or her husband will not be too friendly with you because love for the opposite sex is always stronger than a friendship especially to newly-wed couple. Be patient. Do not push your friend because that will keep them away from you. Give your friend some time and space to enjoy the new relationship because one day, when their children have grown up and when loneliness has become their new companion, they will come back to you because no matter how good a husband or a wife is, they can never replace a good friend. Let time do its work. Your constant interruption can worsen your friendship.

          Fifth, do not ever compare yourself with your friends especially your achievement or your failure and things that you have and do not have. Always be thankful for everything that you have and do not allow envy to ruin your friendship. If you fail to achieve what you want in life, you should never put the blame on your friends because you are completely responsible for your own action. Keep your eyes and hearts away from your friends’ glory and properties because that will allow Satan to influence your judgement and action.  Take your friend who is successful as your source of inspiration. Let their success motivate you to work harder. If you feel bad about your friend’s achievement, you really have to restructure your mindset because that will destroy you and your friends. What you need to do is be happy for your friend’s achievement. Be the first to say “Congratulation”.  You should always pray for your friend’s success because that positive prayer or wishes will always come back to you in full. Nobody can go against the law of nature. No matter how bad your friend has become, you should never stop praying to God to help them to change for the better because our prayer is one of the best gifts that we can offer.

          Lastly is about respect. To me respect is quite subjective because we have our own definitions for that word. Let me begin with words that we use to communicate with our friends. How do we address them? Do we use animal name or funny nickname to call our friends? Do we treat them as if they are our servant or obedient dog? Do we treat them as if they have no feelings Good friends normally have a special nickname to address each other such as “Bro”. Another way to respect each other is by preventing anyone from making fun of your friend’s name and physical appearance because as a friend, you have the responsibility to uphold your friend’s good name and reputation. Knowing what your friend hates the most is another way to show that you really respect them. For example, if your friend really treasures his or her privacy, give them a call first before you visit them. Trying to change your friend is another form of disrespect to your friend because nobody likes to change for the sake of others. Another one is never humiliate your friend. Public humiliation can leave the deepest scar in your friend’s heart. Laughing at your friend’s weakness will trigger indescribable hatred and grudge against you. Consequently, good friends become formidable enemies.

          In conclusion, friendship is a relationship that can be developed through mutual understanding, trust and respect but we should never expect too much from it because we do not have the absolute power to keep it forever. Allow me to share with you a beautiful quotation about friendship. Give your friend the freedom to choose and fly because one day they will always come back to you provided you really did your best when you were their good friend. Thank you for reading.   I hope this writing will guide your mind and heart towards a new and positive direction. 

I always love the truth because
the pressure of accepting the truth helps me to be wiser than yesterday. M.J.


  1. Reading this actually make me realizes that my friendship with someone never last longer than i thought. Back then, I always thought that this particular person was my BFF. Now, I realize that the person was never appear every time I'm in need. I've met new friends now, but I never forget the friends that i've had before. Since because of them, I always appreciate my friendship with other people.

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Thanks for giving oxygen to the freezing mind.